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No.

Was going more for Option B but now I'm curious. What the hell is a "House Elf"?

[ seriously, does santa not keep a tight leash on his elves? ]

Well, that's rude.

The elves here are unique, I know that. I only know Legolas well and I know Thranduil a little, but not as much as I'd like, but they're both incredible and I'd trust them more than I can say. As for what they're like as 'elves' rather than 'people'... They're fast? I know Legolas is an incredible marksman and dangerous if he has a bow and arrow. Is there anything else you want to know?

House Elves are creatures in my world forced into slave labour and socialised into thinking it's something they want. If they think they've done something wrong they punish themselves viciously and they refuse to accept payment for their work -- and most of wizarding society is more than happy to take advantage of their labour and treat them terribly.

"Luke" is just fine. ;)

Thranduil invited me to some Christmas shindig in his home. Weird; think he got me mixed up with another Luke, but it's an okay place. Great bachelor pad. Besides the great digs — and clearly giving Thalia a run for her money in the bow department — can they do spells like you?

[ considering he's never really heard of house elves before, he's uncertain of how to even begin digesting it. elves belong in the tales, in santa's workshop, and not in the houses of other people. he can't fathom imagining someone cleaning up after himself. ]

I would've liked one to do my math homework for me. A lamp would've been smarter than me at figuring out how many apples Kevin needed when he had six in his hand. An elf could probably could answer my question about why anyone would want twenty apples in the first place.

[ it's probably not the right thing to say — but luke's a little haunted from the math he had to do as a child. but given it sort of sounds like the deal with demigods — brainwashed to think they want to be heroes, dying for parents who won't even remember their names the next day … there's similarities in their worlds, but the victims are so different. ]

Did you have one?

Luke it is, then. Promise.

I was invited to that too but I didn't go. I could have, but things had happened... I feel bad, I'd like to have visited the place. I'm fairly sure they're capable of magic but I don't think it's magic like mine. I'm sure it's something different.

[ This is how to get it started, Luke. Jokes about House Elves are not forgivable, she's sure, and if he could see her face he'd probably laugh at the rather petulant and put out expression she's sporting. ]

They might have, but they shouldn't have to. It's slave labour, Luke! They're forced into servitude, often for people that treat them like garbage, and get no reward for it whatsoever except mistreatment and zero rights in our society. It's cruel and it's entirely unjust!

I did not have one.

Hopefully next time he throws another party, you come. Thalia and I had a great time in Elf Land. But elves are capable of magic. Good to know.

[ that at least helps unravel one thing his cows had told him. though it doesn't help completely, it's a starting point. ]

[ but educate him, hermione. civil rights is a big thing for luke — it kind of runs in the family. ]

How do you disband something like that when they're brainwashed into thinking it's what they want?

We never had anything like that at Camp H-B. You made a mess, you clean it up, or you get kicked in the ass. But I'm not saying I condone it. Harriet Tubman's my half-sister; Dad's real proud of her for putting the Hermes name in the good books.

Isn't there like an elf town? They can't just be born and bred to serve.

I wish I knew more about it but I really haven't had the time to ask. It seems a little rude to just drop in on Legolas and poke his brain to learn more about his heritage and the magic his people have.

[ If she had more information she might share it, really, but she hasn't really learned enough about Legolas and Thranduil's nature - because she cared far more about them as people than she did about their magic. Maybe she could ask one day -- and maybe she can visit, too, if she asks Legolas nicely. ]

Because it is brainwashing! There was one elf, once. His name was Dobby and he loved my friend, Harry, and served him happily. He was freed and decided he was only going to work if he was paid to do it and eventually found work at the school we went to. He tried to convince the rest of the elves, or at least I think he did, but they never really caught on. I even knitted them things so they could be freed but they just stopped coming into the tower to tidy up! It was awful.

[ Because, for all Hermione's smarts, she was entirely ignorant to the fact that the elves were happy with their lives. They were content with cleaning and cooking and being in servitude and she could not accept that nor wrap her mind around it. ]

That's exactly how it works. They have no choice.

[ luke shrugs. ] I don't know; sometimes it's nice to feel like you're interesting. He might like talking about himself — and with someone who would appreciate the bland and boring details of heritage and all that junk.

[ considering how she's taken to him, she's made him feel a little more seen than anyone else has. maybe legolas would like it if she asks him a little about the intricacies of himself. luke knows if someone was to ask him how he picks a lock, he'd be talking all day. ]

[ … but these elves are strange. on one hand, he's gleaning they were simply happy with what they were doing — perhaps they had wizards and witches who appreciated them for their work — and then on the other, he can see the similarities between demigods and elves. forced into servitude, forced into a life they didn't want — it's a big leap, but, in the end, they're both still treated like crap. ]

Knitted things? Is that how you free them or were they just really cold?

I could ask. He liked being introduced to things from my world, especially chocolate. It would be nice to sit down and talk to him about his own world, his people. I'd love to learn more about him, especially since I've kind of adopted him.

[ Her big brother, of a sorts. She isn't sure how it works with her strange Drabworld family but it does and she cherishes it. They tease and push each other and drive each other to the edge of insanity but it's good. It works.

Her ignorance towards the mindset of the elves isn't enough to shut Hermione up about it, however, and she breathes out as she continues. ]

An elf becomes 'freed' if their master gives them an item of clothing - that's why a lot of them only get to wear pillowcases or tea cosies. Give them clothes and it's a sign of liberation.

Adopted him?

Actually, scratch that. Thank the gods you did — anyone who doesn't know chocolate is a disgrace. You did the world a favor, Hermione.

[ is he a little jealous? maybe. a family is all he has craved since he had understood why he was always so envious of the mortal kids who he spied walking with their parents in the parks. may had been enough for him until she had wandered too far from him, to a place where he couldn't follow. it's all he wants — and it's all he won't allow himself to have, having betrayed his own family with acts he can't forgive himself for. ]

… A pillowcase? You've got to be kidding me. You'd think giving them some clothing would be a sign of respect or something.

Yes. He's my brother now, he didn't really have much of a choice on it.

Not just any chocolate, though. Wizarding chocolate. It's special.

[ Luke would be a part of her family too if she didn't have such conflicting feelings. Either way, he's on the same sort of level, the same kind of appreciation that she has towards the other people she's 'adopted'. She cares about him and, for now, that's enough. ]

I'm not kidding at all. That's the point; they're not respected. Even in the case where their owners are good to them they aren't given clothes or appropriate living conditions. It's cruel and unfair.

Oh, that's pretty cool.

[ it reminds him of himself, annabeth, and thalia. a makeshift family before they'd found grover and the border of camp half-blood when they'd lost it. or he had. he supposes annabeth has a new family now. ]

[ he doesn't mean to sound so flippant, but he can't help himself — perhaps jealousy is his fatal flaw. wanting too much, gaining too little. ]

You do know chocolate is my favorite food, right? You can't tease me like this.

Pillowcases. [ he's not going to get over that. he'd been short for clothing while on the streets, but he was still dressed, if in ratty and dirty clothes. ] I mean … Can you give them clothes and they still remain with you? A part of the family? But the kind of family member who's like Monica Gellar and is obsessive with cleaning? Why wouldn't you give them a room?

Aren't they capable of magic?

[ so many questions, and he predicts the answer will be no to a good portion of them. ]

I even have a sort of father figure. Isn't that amazing? You get dragged all the way to another world and you still have a dad you can't escape. I do love him, though.

[ It's nice. She likes it, having a family, the kind she never really had at home. Being a single child had meant that she didn't have the feel of having siblings until she met the Weasleys, and even then they were more loyal to themselves than her - understandably so.

Here they're all loyal to one another. It's amazing. ]

Is that a very subtle request for some of my chocolate, Luke? I don't know how well you'd handle magical chocolate. Maybe I could get you some Every Flavour Beans?

[ She would love to see Luke taking a bite out of a vomit flavoured one. ]

It's entirely possible to treat them well. I asked Harry to be nicer to the house elf he inherited, Kreacher, and he was so much happier when I did. He was quite nasty before Harry was kind to him.

The issue is that their magic, something about the connection between master and elf, means they are literally unable to follow an order. Sometimes, if they break it, or come close to breaking it, they punish themselves awfully. They have no rights of their own, they have no way of standing up to their masters and, sometimes, they're forced to take the blame for the terrible things wizards do! It's awful, absolutely awful, and one of the most disgusting things about wizarding society. I don't know how anyone can stand by and let them be treated so terribly just because they exist.

I run a group to try and help them. SPEW.

Yeah, it really is.

[ meanwhile, he's been able to escape his dad over and over and over. it's difficult thinking himself of belonging to a family when he has done naught to deserve it. it's not as though he's not happy for hermione — he is; she's the type of person who deserves such good things, especially with how she works herself to the bone giving and being selfless — but he can't help but be jealous. he's still alone — mostly by his own hand. but what rachel hadn't understood about him was that he didn't think others were unworthy of his friendship — he was unworthy of theirs. ]

Could be. If that's an offer, I'd be rude to refuse.

[ though he wants chocolate, he mulls over the elves. it does sound awful — and something the gods would like, he thinks. someone at their every beck and call. isn't that really his dad? but hermes wasn't as bound to rules as the elves seemed to be. he could be the postal service, the errand boy, but he was still cunning and restless and difficult. no one could ever hope to catch him if they caught him disobeying an order. ]

I can. There's a lot of really awful people out there. Wizards, witches, demigods, gods, mortals — or muggles. Met some of them, too.

[ he thinks he's related to most of them, too. but while he'd been fending for himself, it hadn't been all rainbows and sunshine. some people were down right malicious — a nine year old luke had learned the best thing to do was shed himself of his cloak of naivety as soon as possible. ]

Spew.

[ though the locket hasn't, can you hear the question in his voice, hermione? ]

You know you're part of my family too, don't you, Luke? I don't know if you want any of my family, my dad or brothers and sister, but I care about you. You're not escaping that any time soon.

But, as far as chocolate and beans go, you can have as many as you want. I have some left over in my bag from when I was travelling around. We didn't have much energy for sweets when we were out and about.

[ At least Luke can understand how she feels about the House Elves. She knows her defence of them, the way she wants to protect them, give them the things they deserve, isn't really appreciated quite yet in the wizarding world and she knows that she is going to have to fight harder than ever before to make sure they get some kind of rights in her world. To realise that not everyone will agree with the system in place comforts her and she breathes out.

It's easier to pretend that her defence of them doesn't tie in to his own desperation to defend her own blood at the same time. ]

That's what I want to change. I want to make sure those people don't get into power and start things all over again. I don't want things to go back to the way they were, how corrupt they were.

It isn't Spew. It's SPEW. The Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare.

[ oh gods, hermione. he doesn't handle this type of affection very well. for so many years he'd been able to do as he pleased and be self-deprecating and snappy, severing any tie he could possibly make in a bid to protect himself from the disappointment that still consumes him today. he doesn't know how to deal with this. sometimes, the sentiment he craves is just too much for an idiot like him. ]

It's not a matter of me wanting them.

[ yes it is, luke. it all comes down to him wanting what he can't have — and purposefully keeping it far from where he could ever hope to reach it. ]

That's one big family, Marcia.

Brady Bunch. In case that's another thing you missed out on. But you should keep them. You sound pretty happy; pretty sure your dad will team up with me with his shotgun and my shovel if any boy comes near you.

[ he'd quote clueless, but he knows it'll go right over her head. add that to the list of things he must show her. ]

[ — and another slightly incestuous family. good job, luke. ]

You couldn't make it The Society of Pretty Incredible Elves? Spew gives off a pretty — uh. You know. One thing the business sense in me taught me is that every acronym should be something worth remembering. But the acronym doesn't really matter, in the end. Pretty sure my dad had a business called DOUCHE once. Delivering Other Universe's Crap: Heavenly Express.

[ She's not entirely unaware of the way that he deflects, especially when it comes to the way she's a little over-affectionate towards him. If she could show him what he meant to her without her embarrassing him or making him uncomfortable she would do it - but that's going to take some time. For now she just has to be herself and survive this somehow. ]

No, I suppose it isn't. But, you're right, I have no idea what the Brady Bunch is or who Marcia is. But I am happy, and you have nothing to worry about when it comes to boys. My honour is completely and utterly safe.

[ There is so much she needs to see, apparently. She wonders if she'll have the chance to do it. ]

No. SPEW is a perfectly good name, thank you very much. The main issue was that no one cared enough to even think about joining - it was awful. Is there something particularly wrong with DOUCHE? Is that a bad word?

The Brightest Witch of Her Age really needs to study up on pop culture.

[ who knows? something from the addams family might prove useful in battle. luke's certainly learned a couple of great tactics from tv and film and books. except ... it's not very useful here; he doesn't really know where to begin. so, he does with a laugh. ]

Dude.

There are so many things wrong with the word douche. What the hell do they teach you in that Hogwarts school of yours? Muggle Studies has let you down.

You can sign me up.

[ he really doesn't know he just sold away his soul. ]

There really wasn't much time for muggle films or television while I was running from a Dark Lord, you know. But I'm happy to be educated, if you have the time.

[ She wonders if there's been anything about magic and witches that she can laugh at, if there's any books brought to life with the power of technology... ]

I got more than 300% in my Muggle Studies exam, thank you very much, Luke Castellan, and I am muggleborn. I know things, just not future things.

[ But she has to swap to video for this, her eyes alight as she leans into the camera. ]

Really?

[ instead of being a pain in the ass, he follows her and switches from text to video. he's on his bed, lounging about, as he lies on his chest with the little red fox lying on his back as george and martha swing with one another on his linens. they're out of shot, save for a tail that occasionally tries to whip some part of luke. ]

Yeah, I'm an excellent teacher. 2009 — [ he whistles, gesturing okay with his index curving to this thumb, the other fingers left pointed up. ] — got that shit in the bag. Anything beyond, we'll have to ask George and Martha. They've seen more.

[ he's purposefully misunderstanding her. ]

[ Hermione is settled in the cot that serves as her bed, leaning against the wall as she grips at the locket. When he speaks she shakes her head, threatening to growl at him. ]

Don't be ridiculous, Luke, you know that isn't what I meant.

[ She swallows. He has no idea how important this is to her. ]

You'd really join SPEW?

[ he shrugs, ] Why not?

[ his business card could use member of spew on it. but it's important to hermione, right? he's joined a lot of dumb clubs in his years at camp. chris had started one for pokemon once. the stoll brothers had made one for nintendo cheats. even though he conned chris out of cards he wanted and ended up selling very vague and incorrect codes for cheating, he still joined them because they were important to his brothers. ]

[ He really has no idea what this means to her. No one in Gryffindor Tower had wanted to join and she had assumed Harry and Ron would because they're her friends. The very thought that she wouldn't be alone, that she would have someone that actually understands what she wants to do with this measure, this fight for equal rights... It makes her bite back her emotions. SPEW is so important to her and she can't really express it. ]

Thank you. Really.

[ what's another club to his name? he doesn't have much to it — there's a gravestone waiting for him back home and no business card he can pull out of his pocket. ]

You might want to consider a rename, though. Spew's not really going to get you many donations.

[ and in the background, george sings: ] 'Ey, Macarena!

[ luke looks at her with an unimpressed expression. ] And we're banning that song.

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