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Yes. He's my brother now, he didn't really have much of a choice on it.

Not just any chocolate, though. Wizarding chocolate. It's special.

[ Luke would be a part of her family too if she didn't have such conflicting feelings. Either way, he's on the same sort of level, the same kind of appreciation that she has towards the other people she's 'adopted'. She cares about him and, for now, that's enough. ]

I'm not kidding at all. That's the point; they're not respected. Even in the case where their owners are good to them they aren't given clothes or appropriate living conditions. It's cruel and unfair.

Oh, that's pretty cool.

[ it reminds him of himself, annabeth, and thalia. a makeshift family before they'd found grover and the border of camp half-blood when they'd lost it. or he had. he supposes annabeth has a new family now. ]

[ he doesn't mean to sound so flippant, but he can't help himself — perhaps jealousy is his fatal flaw. wanting too much, gaining too little. ]

You do know chocolate is my favorite food, right? You can't tease me like this.

Pillowcases. [ he's not going to get over that. he'd been short for clothing while on the streets, but he was still dressed, if in ratty and dirty clothes. ] I mean … Can you give them clothes and they still remain with you? A part of the family? But the kind of family member who's like Monica Gellar and is obsessive with cleaning? Why wouldn't you give them a room?

Aren't they capable of magic?

[ so many questions, and he predicts the answer will be no to a good portion of them. ]

I even have a sort of father figure. Isn't that amazing? You get dragged all the way to another world and you still have a dad you can't escape. I do love him, though.

[ It's nice. She likes it, having a family, the kind she never really had at home. Being a single child had meant that she didn't have the feel of having siblings until she met the Weasleys, and even then they were more loyal to themselves than her - understandably so.

Here they're all loyal to one another. It's amazing. ]

Is that a very subtle request for some of my chocolate, Luke? I don't know how well you'd handle magical chocolate. Maybe I could get you some Every Flavour Beans?

[ She would love to see Luke taking a bite out of a vomit flavoured one. ]

It's entirely possible to treat them well. I asked Harry to be nicer to the house elf he inherited, Kreacher, and he was so much happier when I did. He was quite nasty before Harry was kind to him.

The issue is that their magic, something about the connection between master and elf, means they are literally unable to follow an order. Sometimes, if they break it, or come close to breaking it, they punish themselves awfully. They have no rights of their own, they have no way of standing up to their masters and, sometimes, they're forced to take the blame for the terrible things wizards do! It's awful, absolutely awful, and one of the most disgusting things about wizarding society. I don't know how anyone can stand by and let them be treated so terribly just because they exist.

I run a group to try and help them. SPEW.

Yeah, it really is.

[ meanwhile, he's been able to escape his dad over and over and over. it's difficult thinking himself of belonging to a family when he has done naught to deserve it. it's not as though he's not happy for hermione — he is; she's the type of person who deserves such good things, especially with how she works herself to the bone giving and being selfless — but he can't help but be jealous. he's still alone — mostly by his own hand. but what rachel hadn't understood about him was that he didn't think others were unworthy of his friendship — he was unworthy of theirs. ]

Could be. If that's an offer, I'd be rude to refuse.

[ though he wants chocolate, he mulls over the elves. it does sound awful — and something the gods would like, he thinks. someone at their every beck and call. isn't that really his dad? but hermes wasn't as bound to rules as the elves seemed to be. he could be the postal service, the errand boy, but he was still cunning and restless and difficult. no one could ever hope to catch him if they caught him disobeying an order. ]

I can. There's a lot of really awful people out there. Wizards, witches, demigods, gods, mortals — or muggles. Met some of them, too.

[ he thinks he's related to most of them, too. but while he'd been fending for himself, it hadn't been all rainbows and sunshine. some people were down right malicious — a nine year old luke had learned the best thing to do was shed himself of his cloak of naivety as soon as possible. ]

Spew.

[ though the locket hasn't, can you hear the question in his voice, hermione? ]

You know you're part of my family too, don't you, Luke? I don't know if you want any of my family, my dad or brothers and sister, but I care about you. You're not escaping that any time soon.

But, as far as chocolate and beans go, you can have as many as you want. I have some left over in my bag from when I was travelling around. We didn't have much energy for sweets when we were out and about.

[ At least Luke can understand how she feels about the House Elves. She knows her defence of them, the way she wants to protect them, give them the things they deserve, isn't really appreciated quite yet in the wizarding world and she knows that she is going to have to fight harder than ever before to make sure they get some kind of rights in her world. To realise that not everyone will agree with the system in place comforts her and she breathes out.

It's easier to pretend that her defence of them doesn't tie in to his own desperation to defend her own blood at the same time. ]

That's what I want to change. I want to make sure those people don't get into power and start things all over again. I don't want things to go back to the way they were, how corrupt they were.

It isn't Spew. It's SPEW. The Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare.

[ oh gods, hermione. he doesn't handle this type of affection very well. for so many years he'd been able to do as he pleased and be self-deprecating and snappy, severing any tie he could possibly make in a bid to protect himself from the disappointment that still consumes him today. he doesn't know how to deal with this. sometimes, the sentiment he craves is just too much for an idiot like him. ]

It's not a matter of me wanting them.

[ yes it is, luke. it all comes down to him wanting what he can't have — and purposefully keeping it far from where he could ever hope to reach it. ]

That's one big family, Marcia.

Brady Bunch. In case that's another thing you missed out on. But you should keep them. You sound pretty happy; pretty sure your dad will team up with me with his shotgun and my shovel if any boy comes near you.

[ he'd quote clueless, but he knows it'll go right over her head. add that to the list of things he must show her. ]

[ — and another slightly incestuous family. good job, luke. ]

You couldn't make it The Society of Pretty Incredible Elves? Spew gives off a pretty — uh. You know. One thing the business sense in me taught me is that every acronym should be something worth remembering. But the acronym doesn't really matter, in the end. Pretty sure my dad had a business called DOUCHE once. Delivering Other Universe's Crap: Heavenly Express.

[ She's not entirely unaware of the way that he deflects, especially when it comes to the way she's a little over-affectionate towards him. If she could show him what he meant to her without her embarrassing him or making him uncomfortable she would do it - but that's going to take some time. For now she just has to be herself and survive this somehow. ]

No, I suppose it isn't. But, you're right, I have no idea what the Brady Bunch is or who Marcia is. But I am happy, and you have nothing to worry about when it comes to boys. My honour is completely and utterly safe.

[ There is so much she needs to see, apparently. She wonders if she'll have the chance to do it. ]

No. SPEW is a perfectly good name, thank you very much. The main issue was that no one cared enough to even think about joining - it was awful. Is there something particularly wrong with DOUCHE? Is that a bad word?

The Brightest Witch of Her Age really needs to study up on pop culture.

[ who knows? something from the addams family might prove useful in battle. luke's certainly learned a couple of great tactics from tv and film and books. except ... it's not very useful here; he doesn't really know where to begin. so, he does with a laugh. ]

Dude.

There are so many things wrong with the word douche. What the hell do they teach you in that Hogwarts school of yours? Muggle Studies has let you down.

You can sign me up.

[ he really doesn't know he just sold away his soul. ]

There really wasn't much time for muggle films or television while I was running from a Dark Lord, you know. But I'm happy to be educated, if you have the time.

[ She wonders if there's been anything about magic and witches that she can laugh at, if there's any books brought to life with the power of technology... ]

I got more than 300% in my Muggle Studies exam, thank you very much, Luke Castellan, and I am muggleborn. I know things, just not future things.

[ But she has to swap to video for this, her eyes alight as she leans into the camera. ]

Really?

[ instead of being a pain in the ass, he follows her and switches from text to video. he's on his bed, lounging about, as he lies on his chest with the little red fox lying on his back as george and martha swing with one another on his linens. they're out of shot, save for a tail that occasionally tries to whip some part of luke. ]

Yeah, I'm an excellent teacher. 2009 — [ he whistles, gesturing okay with his index curving to this thumb, the other fingers left pointed up. ] — got that shit in the bag. Anything beyond, we'll have to ask George and Martha. They've seen more.

[ he's purposefully misunderstanding her. ]

[ Hermione is settled in the cot that serves as her bed, leaning against the wall as she grips at the locket. When he speaks she shakes her head, threatening to growl at him. ]

Don't be ridiculous, Luke, you know that isn't what I meant.

[ She swallows. He has no idea how important this is to her. ]

You'd really join SPEW?

[ he shrugs, ] Why not?

[ his business card could use member of spew on it. but it's important to hermione, right? he's joined a lot of dumb clubs in his years at camp. chris had started one for pokemon once. the stoll brothers had made one for nintendo cheats. even though he conned chris out of cards he wanted and ended up selling very vague and incorrect codes for cheating, he still joined them because they were important to his brothers. ]

[ He really has no idea what this means to her. No one in Gryffindor Tower had wanted to join and she had assumed Harry and Ron would because they're her friends. The very thought that she wouldn't be alone, that she would have someone that actually understands what she wants to do with this measure, this fight for equal rights... It makes her bite back her emotions. SPEW is so important to her and she can't really express it. ]

Thank you. Really.

[ what's another club to his name? he doesn't have much to it — there's a gravestone waiting for him back home and no business card he can pull out of his pocket. ]

You might want to consider a rename, though. Spew's not really going to get you many donations.

[ and in the background, george sings: ] 'Ey, Macarena!

[ luke looks at her with an unimpressed expression. ] And we're banning that song.

I like SPEW. It's been SPEW for years now.

[ Not happening, Luke. She loves her pet project. ]

Hi there, George.

[ She's grinning. ]

Can you really ban songs?

I can.

[ george appears in the background, shaking his head, before martha pulls him in for a spin off-camera. ]

[ luke looks annoyed. ] Do you know how many times I have to hear this damn song?

When I dance they call me Macarena!

[ with the book beside him, luke picks it up and tosses it blindly over his shoulder. it hits george, knocking him off his bed. ]

We can keep the name if we ban the Macarena.

I really can't imagine. I guess that it would get irritating after a little while.

[ She's trying to bite back the mixed emotions, though. She's so touched and she doesn't think that Luke really understands. All she has to do is focus. ]

Do I really have that much power? If I say the song is banned would George and Martha really listen to me? I know they're my pseudo parents, but...

Yes! Yes!

[ george appears right beside him. luke drops his face into the sheets as his two snakes take centre focus. ]

It's our wedding song.

You have enough power to get me a rat.

[ martha looks into the locket's camera, interested. luke hogs it all the time ... ] George, that's rude.

If I'm signing up for something, I want a rat.

[ with his head still bowed, his voice is muffled. ] But you don't have thumbs.

If I'm being someone's dad again, I expect a rat! [ nudging martha aside, he peers into the locket. ] I'll trade you this one for a rat. [ his tail points to luke, who is still trying to be swallowed by his linens. ]

I feel very powerful indeed, then.

[ Hermione can't stop herself from laughing, shaking her head as he watches them. She doesn't really remember much of the song but there's something that she's aware of. She loves them, the lot of them, and she shakes her head. ]

I'll get back to you on the rat, I promise, if you're nice to Luke and drop the song for a little bit. Is that a deal?

[ But -- ]

Dad, [ look at her joking. ], would you really trade Luke for one rat? Isn't he worth a little more than that?

[ as if a child scolded: ] Hermione!

[ george pouts, mulling over her proposal. anything for a rat ... he'd even trade luke for one! ]

Fine. [ looking at luke, he pokes him at the back of the head, assessing him. luke blindly swipes for him, missing him by an inch. ] Half a rat. I will go no higher.

[ luke lifts his head, staring hard at george's head. the snake smiles, as if he knows luke's glaring at him. ] Φύγε, Γιώργος.

You're worth more than a rat, dear! [ martha moves to kiss luke on the cheek. scrunching up his face, he lets her. grabbing george by the tail, she pulls him away from the locket. ] George takes his fatherly responsibilities very seriously. He's still very sensitive about Medusa. [ george sniffs, and luke rolls his eyes. ]

[ She can't help her laughter, lifting a hand to cover her mouth as she tries to smother it. He's ridiculous, they all are, and she is leans back as she lifts her legs to rest the locket against them. ]

I say at least three rats. Luke is worth quite a lot in my esteem, you know. I like him quite a lot, so I'll be trading something significant for him.

[ She doesn't quite understand the language, but that's fine. Martha comes into the camera and she grins, thumb brushing over the metal as she watches them. ]

He's a lovely father, I'm sure. I hope you don't mind being my mother, Martha, especially since you're pretty enough to be a sister.

[ Flatter the rats; that's how it works. She does love them, though, and she does mean it. ]

Oh, gods. [ luke snatches the locket away before martha can start preening and possibly kissing the screen again. he rolls, maia awakening and leaping off of him to thump onto the floor. he pulls himself off the bed and far from martha as she begins to make kissing noises. sitting on his couch, he peers around the edge to see martha slithering to george, asking him in greek why he never tells her how beautiful she is. ] Sometimes I think you only talk to me for her.

Or, maybe - [ She stands up, walking as Luke walks, heading down the stairs. She does have to get back to her potions work, after all, even if she does love talking to Luke and losing herself in his friendship. There's the sound of a wolfish yawn behind her as she walks by Padfoot and she just smiles. ] - maybe I flatter her and George because it gives me more time to talk to you, Luke.

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