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[ They're dancing around one another and she can see it already - and she feels bad. She feels guilty because she knows it's her memories that have caused the problems, her silly room that made all of this happen. Her own awkwardness makes her feel on edge and she has to force herself to calm down.

The basket helps, though, and she realises that was his intention all along. Oh, Ignis... ]

Something like that. Sometimes it's nice to just sit and read for a little while.

[ The smell of the food does make her stomach rumble, though, and she blinks, feeling a little silly even as she smiles, reaching to take one. ]

You're right, I completely forgot. [ But... ] You didn't just come to feed me, did you?

Edited 2017-08-22 05:31 (UTC)

[Certainly, a part of the problem is that he's seen the punishment she'd gone through before arriving on the Fleet, but that is only a part. The fact of the matter is that he is worried about her and he can't stop.

He doesn't really want to.

He knows that she's lost more than one person that she's cared for and that she blames herself for the loss.

And he also remembers far too well the feel of her soft skin against the tips of his fingers and how her eyes light up when she's excited about something. And how striking she is, especially with the scar that runs down her face and gives her beautiful face more character.

He's not sure that he's best pleased about that side of himself either.

So he's done what he does best to ignore complications—baked.]

There is such a thing as losing oneself a bit much, but, no, feeding you is not the only reason I've come. [He gestures to the empty chair on the other side of the table.] I thought that it was time that we at least acknowledged what we've seen about one another, even if it was against our wills. Perhaps because it was so.

[ Hermione can't really forget the calibrations or the way she acted as part of her own room; she had been so cool, aloof, almost, distant from herself, ignoring the pain of her own memories as she locked herself away in her office. It's bizarre, she thinks, that it was so unlike herself but so true to some parts that she didn't really want to face. Sometimes she did get like that - so buried in her own work, so focussed on things she had to do that she forgot about everything else.

Glancing over, Hermione hesitates for a moment. She doesn't know what to do, and while she can feel her own discomfort she's glad that Ignis took the time out to track her down. She'd have found it hard to go and face him herself, despite how much she wanted to see him, and it's frustrating to be faced by her own weaknesses all over again. She had thought she was stronger, after all this time.

Fiddling idly with the cake in her hands, Hermione breathes out before she pushes herself up, putting her book down to one side and settling down in the chair opposite Ignis. She could sit and fiddle or she could face this properly, and she knows which one she would prefer to do. ]

I appreciate it all the same. I really would have forgotten.

[ She hesitates, again, before - ]

Some of the things you saw, Ignis... I'm sorry. No one should have had to see those memories.

[Despite the way that she'd behaved, Ignis cannot say that he didn't learn a great deal about her in the time they spent together. In fact, his room was no kinder to her, forcing her through a sort of inquisition and suspicion that he's never really felt that she deserved.

In his opinion, it is as if their alternate selves had exaggerated the worst aspects of their personalities for others to see. It was more than just a bit appalling for Ignis. So, her discomfort isn't so unexpected in his opinion.

But it's been weeks and they can't continue on like this. Otherwise, the bond that they have will dissolve and giving up isn't something he's prone to have done a day in his life.]

I know.

[And that's all he has to say about her forgetting to eat. It's just one of her quirks that he's acknowledged and will have to remember to check up on so that she doesn't fall ill. Not anything that he can really change without her wanting to do so herself.]

Some of the things that I saw, Hermione, paint a very different picture of the world that you lived in before coming here than any of our previous conversations. I don't regret the viewing of them. Only the way that it was done, without your permission, as entertainment for the viewers of this program we're forced to take part in.

[ Hermione simply can't fathom the idea that someone could see those parts of her life - the parts that she was most guilty about, the parts where she caused others pain and hurt - and see see something of her under it. She's weighed down with her own guilt and her own frustration and being unable to overcome it that she's blinded to all the things that she's done that's made up for it. She's shadowed by her own hurt and there's no undoing it or seeing beyond it anymore.

Still, she knows she can't sit idly by and just wait to lose contact with the people she cares about. She's fought for it a thousand times over - fought for the right to talk to someone, to be someone's friend, to contact them, to be at their side. She had been vicious in war and stood up to kings and gods alike. She's not going to let her own history ruin something important to her, especially when it's a friendship she knows she'll regret losing.

Instead of worrying she eats. It's easier. ]

This is lovely.

[ And she means it, too, tilting her head up and offering him a small smile. Her own lack of appetite, she thinks, is a lasting effect from her curse, but she's working on it. Ignis is aware of that now; he's aware of so much that she doesn't know how to handle it. ]

No, I... Some of the things that happened in there were terrible. I'm happy to admit that, because they were. [ She shifts, uncomfortable. ] If you want to ask then that's okay. I don't mind talking about it. [ He's already seen it all, after all. ]

[Hermione has no clue what sort of person she appears to be to those around her, but it's not something that Ignis can fault her for. Everyone seems to possess that inability to see their own worth. Even he himself. No one is without some ugly part of their soul that they see more clearly than the rest of the whole. That's why friends are duly obligated to shine a light on their good sides.

He watches her eat, feeling some of the worry for her health start to recede before he reaches into the basket and brings out a bottle of juice and two glasses.]

Thank you. Cooking with the ingredients we're given has gotten easier and I believe these are some of the best to date.

[Hence why he's allowed her to partake of them. He's been accused of being meticulous before by Gladio, but even he has to admit that he took extra care with this particular batch of baked goods.

Before speaking again, he pours them both drinks and waits before he speaks about what it is he's seen about her.]

None of us are without things in ourselves that we dislike, Hermione. As to what I saw, I would like to know more about the vow. [The one she broke.]

[ She's too focussed on what she needs to do to help other people; her role as Marchioness, as Lioness Courant, as Protectress... They had all given her purpose and an image to make herself feel a little more comfortable. She didn't have to worry about proving herself to be more than just Hermione; all she had to do was prove herself as being good enough to do her job, and she did. She'd lead armies, fought in battles, saved lives, and she did it all because she wanted to help people.

The juice makes her smile, a raising her eyebrows. Now she feels as though she's being taken care of, and she doesn't really know what to say about it. ]

I had a friend that used to try and make bread. It was hard, but we made it work.

[ But... Hermione breathes out. It's diving right into the deep end, isn't it? One of the things that's caused her the most guilt and it's right there, waiting for him to hear. She wonders how he'll judge her, if he'll be as vicious as Harry was or as forgiving as John and Remus.

Making herself a little more comfortable on her chair, she swallows. ]

A friend of mine gave me a magical item called a Sigil and asked me to hide it so that someone who was searching for them couldn't find it. I was working as part of the Seelie court and the Queen found out that I had a sigil and she asked for it. I... I gave it to her, despite promising my friend I wouldn't give it up. Giving her that power meant that she and her husband had the strength to destroy part of the other court, killing hundreds of innocent people.

[ She got those people killed. That's what Harry had shown her, after all, and his bitter, angry voice is still so loud in her ears. I trusted you -

Her hands clench. ]

One of his friends, a mercenary named Alyosha, found out from him. When I met her at a festival she challenged me to a duel because of my broken vow - I had lost my honour. So I duelled her, and I got this scar because of it.

[Ignis 101, he takes care of those he cares for. Hermione and some others on the Fleet are included in that list, but it isn't as long as some might guess it to be.]

A good cook doesn't let a little thing like missing ingredients deter them from finding alternatives that actually work.

[From anyone else, that might seem like bragging, but he states it like it's common knowledge. He watches her as she takes the glass and is quiet while she gathers her thoughts and starts talking. He knows that he's asked about the most difficult of problems, but that's because it's left the most lasting impression on what he witnessed.

And he's still curious about the scar that decorates her face.]

What would this queen have done had you not given her this sigil?

[Small questions first.]

Edited (I hate HTML) 2017-08-24 04:44 (UTC)

[ Hermione is very much the same way; she would bend over backwards for anyone else, if she needed to. ]

I'm glad to hear you're not going to let it stop you.

[ It is the hardest thing, she thinks, and it's hard for her to sit there and talk about it without feeling ashamed of herself. Shifting awkwardly, she breathes out and leans back, forcing herself to stay calm and comfortable, biting her lip before she shakes her head again. ]

I don't know.

[ Tilting her head up, she looks over at Ignis, frowning. ]

Solais was kind, and we... We made a promise to each other, and I was her knight, or something like it. I was her Marchioness in the end, too, so I suppose I was safer than other people, but she was known to be vicious to those that crossed her.

[ And Hermione thinks of Mako and Korra, who questioned the monarchy and lost... So much. ]

I can't say what she might have done to me.

[Ignis is patient, a skill he's learned to cultivate over the years of dealing with Noctis and the rest of the prince's retinue. They weren't always the most mature or the most likely to get along. And someone had to be the "adult"

He nods.]

So, you were forced to serve a good, but capricious ruler who might have done something worse should you have refused to give her this Sigil. But because you obeyed your sworn liege, innocent people suffered and you betrayed your friend's trust.

I didn't have to serve her. Lots of people chose to be part of the court but do other things.

[ But it all sounds like silly, hollow excuses to her and she hesitates, feeling a little uncomfortable and uncertain. She shifts, pushing herself up, sitting up as best she can before she breathes out quietly and nods her head.

She's owned what she did in the past; now she has to move forward from it. ]

They didn't just suffer, Ignis. They died.

And you think that that would have changed anything? If you had stood up to her, do you think the outcome would have been different?

[Owning more than your own share of what happened is never good but he wants to know exactly how she feels about it, not just how she thinks she should feel about it. Those are not the same things.]

Those that die are generally the more lucky ones that they don't have to suffer the atrocities that happen after the initial onslaught. I know that may seem cold of me to think that, but I've seen the remnants of what happened to the city where I grew up after it was invaded and what happened to those that didn't make it out before the empire arrived and lasted through the first wave.

It's ugly. Those are the ones that suffer, and I imagine there were plenty.

I don't know what the outcome would have been. She might have trusted me, she might not, but surely my being punished was better than hundreds of people dying?

[ Frowning, she pushes her food away, her appetite completely gone - not that there was much there to begin with. ]

I know what it's like too, Ignis. I've seen what war does to people, both at home and in the Drabwurld. I lost my best friend, I made my parents forget about me, I lost so many friends and seeing what happens to the people that are left behind... It's awful. It's the worst thing, the worst feeling, that I've ever seen or felt. I understand, truly, I do.

[ But... She breathes out, closing her eyes. ]

I've done so many things, and hurt so many people. There's blood on my hands too, and I can't just ignore that or pretend that it's okay.

Maybe she would have and maybe she would not. There is no telling how another will reaction. And while you are only responsible for the actions of your choices, sometimes those burdens are tremendous. It's how you proceed that defines who you are.

[He watches as she pushes the pastry aware and is sorry for bringing up the topic of conversation since she's now not eating once again. Something he hopes he can remedy one day, but will not push her on.]

War makes us all do things we're not comfortable with and I never thought you some delicate day lily, Hermione. Nothing about you says that to me. And I must admit that I admire that strength in you.

I don't think I'm very strong at all.

[ Hermione breathes out, shaking her head. It's not really a matter of strength, is it? She's never been able to really come to terms with her own guilt and the problems she caused, no matter how hard she tried. She's never been able to forgive herself for it either, and she thinks of a lioness with blood on her maw and she thinks of the death of the people she loved, the loss of her friends, travelling in time, fighting and fighting and never feeling like enough...

Leaning back in her chair, she breathes out.

Sometimes, she thinks to herself, she forgets that she's barely into her twenties. She should be dead, probably, and it's mostly determination, knowledge and sheer luck that's kept her alive. Despite her youth, though, she feels old, ancient, somehow, and she doesn't quite know how to express it. ]

It's not the only thing you wanted to talk about, though, is it? [ Tilting her head up, she watches Ignis, attention set on him, unwavering despite her reluctance to admit her own strength or her lacking desire to eat. ] None of it will be particularly nice to hear about, but if you have more questions...

We are always the worst judges of ourselves. You have strength. It might not be physical, but your mind and your will are... palpable. Especially after having seen your memories of the other world.

[He closes his eyes and and takes a deep breath.]

I am not some innocent child who has never taken a life. I cannot see myself truly being able to relate to someone who is like that anymore. I would be too far removed.

And while this is not the only thing I wanted to talk to you about, it is the most important, but only because you seem to think that no one can see that part of you and not see the rest of you. It isn't true and I am not a small-minded man that I cannot see beyond that.

I've always done my best to... Be the best that I can be. It might not have always worked, but I did put in the effort. I... I always tried, with everything that I had.

[ Maybe she hadn't always been successful, but hadn't she always tried? She put so much into her home, her world, and now... ]

I wasn't calling you small-minded in the least. It's just something that can change the way people see you, and I know that. I'm aware that knowing some of the things I've seen and done will change how you view me, and I'm learning to be okay with that.

[ She doesn't want to give up her friendship with him, after all. She was determined. ]

It's true that knowing more about a person can change how one sees the other.

[He can't deny that one bit, but it's also a worry that he has. He knows that he's not as exciting as Gladio, as kind as Prompto, or a prince like Noctis. He also knows that titles and positions hold no place with Hermione. But it's still a worry, nonetheless.]

Perhaps what you're saying is that you see me differently and hope that I feel the same way so that we don't have to continue meeting and talking?

[ Her eyes widen and she stares at Ignis for a moment before she shakes her head. ]

No, that's not it at all!

[ Leaning forward, in earnest, she breathes out. ]

I've spent a long time trying to be - be more than what I was. It's been years, a long time, and people... I just want to be me, but I feel as though I can't do that or people will see all the nasty, loathsome things too. I've been so scared that when people see the bad things they'll turn their back on me. [ Like Harry did. ] I never had very many friends, you know, and the idea of losing the ones I have... It's one of the most frightening things in the world.

[ She's already lost so many people; she doesn't want to lose him, too. ]

[He doesn't interrupt her passionate words about herself. It's hard enough to get her to talk about anything personal sometimes.

But the same could be said about himself.]

I am not so different in that respect. My group of friends has always been confined to Noctis and those around him. It wasn't until we arrived here that I actually considered the idea that associating with those not attached to Noctis in some way wouldn't impede my duties.

So, you see, I am not so quick to judge a person on their past unless they keep me from assisting Noctis or are in his way.

And you have, if anything, done nothing but offer to listen to me and help me learn about our situation here. I see no reason to stop our friendship because of what you had to do in a situation I have no right to judge you on.

[Because, let's be real, he would have done the same thing. Although, he would have tried to persuade Noctis not to do anything dangerous in the first place, but Noctis was easy for him to read and not known to be cruel to those in his employ. Just annoying sometimes.]

[ Hermione doesn't know what to do with herself, and she wonders what she should say even as her eyes dart down and she closes her eyes. ]

No. I don't want to do anything to upset you, or Noctis. I want people to be happy here. I don't think that's too much to ask. I know it's not the best place to be with everything that's happening and all the things that happen to us, but there's good, too, isn't there? I mean... We've met so many wonderful people.

[ Bowing her head again, Hermione breathes out. ]

Seeing my memories play out like that... Ignis, I... I wasn't happy. I wasn't comfortable. I didn't want anyone to know those awful things about me, but... But if you're okay with knowing them then I can be okay, in the end.

Then you and I are in agreement. I only wish for others to be as happy as they can without stopping others. But that means you as well. Aside from those from my own world, you are one of the few that I consider...a friend.

[He pauses because he does consider her a friend, but the word feels inadequate. Not quite....everything. However, he's not going to sit here and examine his every motivation with a fine-toothed comb either. Not yet.]

I will be honest and say that seeing them wasn't easy for me, but I think that you having them viewed by others is probably harder. [He huffs out a breath.] It's not as if I wanted everyone to paw through my own memories either.

You're my friend too, Ignis. I'm sorry that things haven't been... Easy lately. I... [ It's hard. It feels like her throat is closing up and her stomach is in knots. ] It's not easy to talk about the things that happened to me there, because it's better to pretend that everything is fine.

[ It's so hard, she thinks, and she bows her head, feeling herself get smaller and smaller. ]

I didn't want to go digging around. I tried my best not to. I'm sorry if I was too nosey, or if I poked my nose where I shouldn't have. [ She does look up again, finally, though. ] Is... Was there anything else you wanted to know?

While I understand the appeal of pretending that everything is fine, I fear that I'm far too practical to be able to engage in that. Things are awkward between us because we've seen things about the other that we weren't really given much choice about.

I appreciate the chance to get to know you better, and vice versa, but the lack of consent makes this fairly uncomfortable for us both.

[His words sort of sum up the problem they've found themselves in, but then there's more to it than that.]

I would like to know more about the world where you're originally from if that's not too much to ask. None of...what I saw focused on that.

No. I appreciate that. It's happened to me before - nightmares on the network, and shared memories in a big, green mountain. I suppose I should be used to the feeling, but it's not something you get used to. It's something you get over.

[ Sharing parts of herself with other people - it's not just something she's comfortable with anymore. She had given so much of herself away, time and time again, and she's not sure how to undo the knots in her stomach anymore.

At least Ignis gives her an out, and she nods her head. It's easier to focus on the home she's lost forever than the one she's left behind; it's nostalgic rather than sad. ]

I'm from a country called Britain, on my own version of Earth. I went to school at a place called Hogwarts, and I fought in a war to make sure that hundreds of innocent people didn't die. That's where... [ She glances down at her wrist; the bleeding scar she had hated. ] It wasn't all bad, but it wasn't all good, either.

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