[ She purses her lips, trying to bite back everything she's feeling. He's so calm in the wake of what had been Harry's fury. ]
I just wanted you to know that it's not what I intended. I never meant for anything like that to happen. I didn't trust them - [ the monarchs. ] - as much as I trusted my friends. The people I love.
[ She shakes her head, looking away again. ]
I thought I had done the right thing. I'm sorry - for what happened. It's my fault and I know that.
The one thing I have been wondering, I admit, is why you did trust them with this? I want to understand why you felt that was the right thing, beyond anything else.
I was told that the reason we were keeping the sigils wasn't because of the monarchs, it was because of Reynard. That if the monarchs found out it would be treason, that I would be in trouble. It's not as though I went up to them and waved it in front of their faces.
[ Her nose wrinkles and she lifts her hands, trying not to lift her hands and wipe at her eyes. She's fine, she tells herself. She's fine. ]
Solais came to me and asked me for it. She looked at my mirror and she told me there were spirits inside and that something might have happened to me. I was in a situation where I could have ended up in far more trouble than I ever imagined I would be.
[ Her hands clench around nothing. ]
I was promised, by her and my friends that talk to her, that it would be destroyed. It's my own fault for believing that.
From everything I've heard, the sigils can't be destroyed without it being a huge threat to stability here. Moreso than what exists already with the void.
[But, Waver listens to the rest, and runs it all over in his mind. It's an understandable perspective, and factoring in that there was some trust with Solias to do what she said she would, well. There it all goes then, the action is understandable.]
From everything you said...I do understand. I disagree, but I'm inclined to risk treason.
I haven't been told anything else. I was given this - this thing to look after with no information and nothing apart from secrets and things I was apparently not allowed to know about and then I make a mistake and --
[ There's no use getting angry. She knows what she did and she lifts her hands, wiping under her eyes quickly. What's done is done and that's the end of it. ]
I'm glad you understand. If I could undo it I would, you have to know that. I would never intentionally want to hurt so many people.
[Waver pauses before saying anything else - just long enough to take his scarf off, and offer it to Hermione if need be.]
The problem with these information impasses is that sometimes secrecy and ignorance as the only reason they work. Slight of hand is nothing short of invaluable, but it can lead us to where we stand now.
[Waver sighs heavily.]
At this point, intention from anyone isn't going to matter. It's how we pick up and move on that will define this decision. But with that said, I'm curious to know how your opinion of your monarchs has changed.
I already told Ridire, before this, that if it came down to a choice between my friends and their court I wouldn't be siding with him.
[ She shakes her head at the offer, giving Waver a soft smile. ]
He told me that there were hard choices to make, that this was a war, but I'm not going to fight someone I cared about. He knows that I'm not entirely on his side, on their side, and I'm certainly not going to be on it anymore.
[ There is something, though. ]
It's not as easy to walk away, though. I have my friends, people I love about, my family in this court. A dad, siblings, uncles, not by blood but by how I feel about them. I can't abandon them. I might not be actively denouncing the courts, but I'm not... Working for them in the same way I was.
[ She's in a neutral council now, despite being - well. Marchioness. ]
You know, [he begins mildly] I had thought, looking from the outside in, that the monarchs might be doing this on purpose - looking at friendships across courts, and trying to find ways to turn people against those they know from home to ensure loyalty to the courts. I'm glad to have thought wrong on that front.
[But it is something Waver doesn't doubt has been done in the past, and will be done in the future. Rin's new position has him terrified of Morla trying to pull that on him.]
You're engaging in a balancing act of politics from here on out. Personal ones, and greater ones that'll impact everything. That's not an easy task to be taking on.
It's nothing like anything I've done before. In our world? It was easier. There were Death Eaters, the 'bad' people, Lord Voldemort, something to fight for. It's far more complicated here and it's more grey. I wasn't prepared for that, not when I first arrived, but I've been here a year now. I know better and I'm going to learn from my mistakes.
[ The emotion is still coiled up inside of her, the fact that she could easily break down and cry if she let herself - even now, weeks later - but she holds herself together. ]
I just want to take care of my friends. That's all that's ever mattered to me. Being smart and being brave - they're important, and it's what people know me for, but I wouldn't be anything if I didn't have them at my side.
Grey and grey things are the rule of the day back home for me, and so the ambiguity here was...familiar, as are much of the politics. The difference for me is the sheer scale, and how quickly things can ripple outward.
[Waver's still calm, and carefully, he picks up the chair that sits at the desk, drags it over to where Hermione is if she needs it.]
And them being scattered between courts does nothing to help. I will say though, being clever helps. Finding loopholes, being literal with legal things, anything and everything can help if you can predict outcomes and try and guide things towards the best one.
The Wizarding world was - it was so different to this. I'm learning as I go but it's not like I came prepared for this. Potion making, spells, charms? I can do those without thinking. The rest of it is a learning curve.
[ Scrubbing at her cheeks with the end of her sleeve, she breathes out hard and nods her head. ]
I have my magic, I have my friends and I have more than what I might have had if I hadn't fought as hard as I have so far. I have to believe that I can do what I need to from this point on. I have to believe I won't make the same mistake again.
The simplicity sounds like a nice contrast to me. You've gotten a lot about what my world's magecraft is like from Kayneth, I'm sure, so I won't belabout or repeat information.
[Waver smiles at the rest of that though. That is the sign of smoeone wanting to do better.]
But then my question to you becomes this: where do you want this all to end? For you personally, I mean.
It is a nice contrast, but it hasn't done much to prepare me for who I need to be here.
[ The Drabworld isn't Hogwarts, and the monarchs are a thousand times better - and worse - than Dumbledore had ever been. ]
Honestly? I don't know. I don't even know what next month is going to be like, not right now. I just want to come out of it alive and with my friends safe.
No, I suppose not. But it seems like something to always check against, when things are going badly.
[Waver's used home if only to see if he's cocked up worse or better than usual.]
That actually seems like a good goal. I only ask because it feels like having something to work toward is the only way to stay sane around here. Or at least make decisions.
That's something I'm going to have to learn. I knew there was a war, that things were happening, but I never thought... Well. I know better now.
[ Learning from mistakes is something she can do. She might be stubborn and obstinate and all kinds of colourful words for all kinds of nasty behaviour, but all the same. ]
It's not going to be easy, but I think I have some things figured out. [ Forgive her for being a little sheepish here. ] A Marchioness has to keep up with her people, doesn't she?
It's always seemed to me that you've never had to account for politics much back home. Mind, this is all from Harry and Remus, so I could just be missing information--
[But it's something Waver suspects is true. Something that explains an awful lot.]
She does, and if she defines who her people are, then that becomes even easier.
No, we didn't, not really. We were children. We might have fought in the war, but we were only, what, fifteen, some of us younger, during our first real fight. It's not the same as the game you need to play here.
[ It's not like they were prepared for any of that, either, until Harry went out of his way to teach them - at her suggestion, of course, but she's not going to rub that in his face particularly. ]
The people that need help. That's what I want to do - help people.
[Waver sucks in a breath at those ages. True enough, he was 19 when he entered the Holy Grail War, but even then that wasn't 15.] Not even remotely close.
[But at that, Waver frowns.]
You'll have to set a few limits on yourself with that. You'll spread yourself too thin otherwise, and it'll be a new sort of problem.
There were more years where we did come close to dying than years we didn't, honestly. Being prepared for fighting, for protecting people, that was easy. The rest of it? I don't know.
[ She knows what people think when she tells them bits and pieces about their lives; about how she almost died in a bathroom at twelve, about how she almost died from an ideal of blood purity at thirteen, how every year since she risked her life for love and friendship. It's never mattered how scared she was; she had a reason. She's just a bit lost, now. ]
If I promise to get at least six hours a night will that count?
I've had twenty years of doing this to learn. The best advice that I can give you, aside from accept that you'll make errors that end badly, is that you need to have an end goal in mind and always work towards it. Every action, every thought, they should feed into that end. And the end should be more-- [Hermione's heart is big, and that's a rarity. Something to keep in tact. But for this advice, Hermione's want to just do good, to protect, it's vague. Unattainable.] More specific, I think. Like a thesis, and everything you do is an argument for it.
[But he laughs a little at the mention of sleep.]
Hell, that'd be better than I think a lot of us are getting these days.
Then that's something I'm going to have to figure out. I'm still getting used to everything that's happened since the battle - I don't think anyone could tell me off for wanting a few more weeks to figure out what my purpose might be.
[ She's going to get herself into even more trouble, she's sure of that, but the idea of just... Fighting for the people she loves, of just working for that? It's not the easiest thing in the world and she knows it.
Her expression softens, though, and her lips twitch up into a smile. ]
We'll see what happens. I'll try for at least three days a week.
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Waver, I...
[ She shakes her head. Better out than in, right? ]
You know, don't you? About what happened - what I did?
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[No point in lying about that.]
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[ She shifts, uncomfortable and entirely on edge now. ]
But you know about - about the other part. About what happened because of what I did?
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[Where Hermione is tense, Waver remains unflappable, his tone still pleasant and calm.]
I was never planning to bring it up unless you did, honestly.
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I just wanted you to know that it's not what I intended. I never meant for anything like that to happen. I didn't trust them - [ the monarchs. ] - as much as I trusted my friends. The people I love.
[ She shakes her head, looking away again. ]
I thought I had done the right thing. I'm sorry - for what happened. It's my fault and I know that.
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[ Her nose wrinkles and she lifts her hands, trying not to lift her hands and wipe at her eyes. She's fine, she tells herself. She's fine. ]
Solais came to me and asked me for it. She looked at my mirror and she told me there were spirits inside and that something might have happened to me. I was in a situation where I could have ended up in far more trouble than I ever imagined I would be.
[ Her hands clench around nothing. ]
I was promised, by her and my friends that talk to her, that it would be destroyed. It's my own fault for believing that.
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[But, Waver listens to the rest, and runs it all over in his mind. It's an understandable perspective, and factoring in that there was some trust with Solias to do what she said she would, well. There it all goes then, the action is understandable.]
From everything you said...I do understand. I disagree, but I'm inclined to risk treason.
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[ There's no use getting angry. She knows what she did and she lifts her hands, wiping under her eyes quickly. What's done is done and that's the end of it. ]
I'm glad you understand. If I could undo it I would, you have to know that. I would never intentionally want to hurt so many people.
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The problem with these information impasses is that sometimes secrecy and ignorance as the only reason they work. Slight of hand is nothing short of invaluable, but it can lead us to where we stand now.
[Waver sighs heavily.]
At this point, intention from anyone isn't going to matter. It's how we pick up and move on that will define this decision. But with that said, I'm curious to know how your opinion of your monarchs has changed.
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[ She shakes her head at the offer, giving Waver a soft smile. ]
He told me that there were hard choices to make, that this was a war, but I'm not going to fight someone I cared about. He knows that I'm not entirely on his side, on their side, and I'm certainly not going to be on it anymore.
[ There is something, though. ]
It's not as easy to walk away, though. I have my friends, people I love about, my family in this court. A dad, siblings, uncles, not by blood but by how I feel about them. I can't abandon them. I might not be actively denouncing the courts, but I'm not... Working for them in the same way I was.
[ She's in a neutral council now, despite being - well. Marchioness. ]
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[But it is something Waver doesn't doubt has been done in the past, and will be done in the future. Rin's new position has him terrified of Morla trying to pull that on him.]
You're engaging in a balancing act of politics from here on out. Personal ones, and greater ones that'll impact everything. That's not an easy task to be taking on.
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[ The emotion is still coiled up inside of her, the fact that she could easily break down and cry if she let herself - even now, weeks later - but she holds herself together. ]
I just want to take care of my friends. That's all that's ever mattered to me. Being smart and being brave - they're important, and it's what people know me for, but I wouldn't be anything if I didn't have them at my side.
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[Waver's still calm, and carefully, he picks up the chair that sits at the desk, drags it over to where Hermione is if she needs it.]
And them being scattered between courts does nothing to help. I will say though, being clever helps. Finding loopholes, being literal with legal things, anything and everything can help if you can predict outcomes and try and guide things towards the best one.
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[ Scrubbing at her cheeks with the end of her sleeve, she breathes out hard and nods her head. ]
I have my magic, I have my friends and I have more than what I might have had if I hadn't fought as hard as I have so far. I have to believe that I can do what I need to from this point on. I have to believe I won't make the same mistake again.
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[Waver smiles at the rest of that though. That is the sign of smoeone wanting to do better.]
But then my question to you becomes this: where do you want this all to end? For you personally, I mean.
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[ The Drabworld isn't Hogwarts, and the monarchs are a thousand times better - and worse - than Dumbledore had ever been. ]
Honestly? I don't know. I don't even know what next month is going to be like, not right now. I just want to come out of it alive and with my friends safe.
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[Waver's used home if only to see if he's cocked up worse or better than usual.]
That actually seems like a good goal. I only ask because it feels like having something to work toward is the only way to stay sane around here. Or at least make decisions.
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[ Learning from mistakes is something she can do. She might be stubborn and obstinate and all kinds of colourful words for all kinds of nasty behaviour, but all the same. ]
It's not going to be easy, but I think I have some things figured out. [ Forgive her for being a little sheepish here. ] A Marchioness has to keep up with her people, doesn't she?
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[But it's something Waver suspects is true. Something that explains an awful lot.]
She does, and if she defines who her people are, then that becomes even easier.
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[ It's not like they were prepared for any of that, either, until Harry went out of his way to teach them - at her suggestion, of course, but she's not going to rub that in his face particularly. ]
The people that need help. That's what I want to do - help people.
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[But at that, Waver frowns.]
You'll have to set a few limits on yourself with that. You'll spread yourself too thin otherwise, and it'll be a new sort of problem.
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[ She knows what people think when she tells them bits and pieces about their lives; about how she almost died in a bathroom at twelve, about how she almost died from an ideal of blood purity at thirteen, how every year since she risked her life for love and friendship. It's never mattered how scared she was; she had a reason. She's just a bit lost, now. ]
If I promise to get at least six hours a night will that count?
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[But he laughs a little at the mention of sleep.]
Hell, that'd be better than I think a lot of us are getting these days.
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[ She's going to get herself into even more trouble, she's sure of that, but the idea of just... Fighting for the people she loves, of just working for that? It's not the easiest thing in the world and she knows it.
Her expression softens, though, and her lips twitch up into a smile. ]
We'll see what happens. I'll try for at least three days a week.
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hermione i'm going to cry from that magic of friendship comment.
the most powerful magic after love!!!
honestly i'm tempted to say let's end it here BECAUSE IT'S A REALLY GOOD SPOT.